Overcoming “Something”

Hello, sorry for not posting anything. I have been trying to find motivation, focus- some may say I’m just lazy, others could say it’s depression. To me, it feels like a mixture because I feel lazy when I’m depressed. Most of the time I can only get myself to write poetry because it doesn’t deal with research. I can just write it. And I did write something, just not article writing. I was watching a show where Dr. Daniel Amen and his wife talk about ADD. The different types of them. Also, I keep listening to Christina Aguilera’s “Cease Fire” from her Lotus album. It sparked my interest to write one.

After watching yesterday’s show, today I began to write one. It’s for the troubled minds. The ones who are quick to temper, there’s no turn off. Anything can trigger it, or its just automatic. It’s a cry from them for the other person to not fight back or take it personally. It’s an apology to them too.

This happens to all of us suffering from Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, ADD, or any other mental health disorders. We get irritated easily. We blow up on someone. And after it’s all said and done, we either lock ourselves in our room pondering over it for sometime and maybe even cry, or let it go. Another thing we do is hold grudges on someone because of what they say. It’s a hopeless, poisonous obstacle course, or maze that never seems to end.

Growing up, I felt like this a lot. And I constantly wondered as I grew older and realized it was autonatic, why can’t I control it? Why am I so weak when everyone else is strong? I thought I was all alone in this. Truth is, no one is alone in it. You may not find someone on the street or in school or wherever you go who is depressed, feeling lost, hopeless, and confused. Some are good at hiding it and some are not. But one thing in life is: everyone is battling something. Some are battling more than others. If you are facing a hard time now, remember this, God didn’t give you this journey thinking you couldn’t face it. He gave you it knowing you can handle it. Each one of us has a unique battle we are facing. And if you ask someone about their history, you just might find your’s isn’t that bad.

Here is the poem I wrote:

Will You Cease Fire?
June 7, 2014

Will You Cease Fire?
Help me remember.
Bring me back to before I
Made that explosion.
Will You Cease Fire?
Put down that retaliation.
Will you remind me,
“I’m on your side”.
Please remind me.
‘Cause it hurts so bad.
When I start you give into me.
I’m the poison, you’re the acid.
I’m the oil, you’re the fire.
I’m the storm bringing conflict and pain.
But you can restore by staying stronger.
I know it’s hard,
I should be smarter in my own actions.
And I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
And I’m sorry.
It’s out of nowhere.
I don’t know when I’ll blow up.
Please forgive me,
I’m still trying,
But it keeps holding onto me.
I need you to do one thing.
Just one thing.
Will you cease fire?

Thanks for reading this and my other blogs.

*peace&God Bless*

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About Lisa's Blog

Hi, I'm Lisa. I recently graduated from Gannon University with a Bachelors degree in Liberal Arts. For the past 3 months I have been looking for a job. My life has been boring. I'm trying to find something to amuse it. I started going to the gym to better my health and lift 50lbs. There's a blog idea! I will be 24 in October. I'm thinking about reading the Bible and having my own Busy Person's Retreat. Gannon offers BPR once each semester. Basically, you spend 30mins with God and 30mins with a Spiritual Director. My personal BPR will be 30mins with God reading a verse from the Bible or listening to a song and journaling. I love being creative. I've been writing poetry since I was in 4th grade. I'm interested in lyric writing but don't think I'm a great lyricist. I played Clarinet in middle school and high school. I got my first guitar a week before I turned 16. Took a year of lessons then stopped. Volunteering at church for Vacation Bible School was my life! I loved it! This year I will be volunteering for Religious Education. I have no idea what I will be doing there. I'm nervous but at the same time excited! I don't know what I want to be or do. I don't have any future plans. My mind gets empty when I think of my future. I really don't think about it much. I stay focused on the hear and now. I love baking brownies, cooking ramen noodle soup and velveeta. I know how to knit only one way. I one time made 6 scarfs in a month for my housemates at college. I have no idea how to end this. So, I will end it this way. If you have any questions or comments please feel free to ask.
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